Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
