i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
