I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
