I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
