I wish I could teleport
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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