South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
