I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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