I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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