Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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