Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
