If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
no you cant smoke seaweed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
whose parrot is this?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
