My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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