That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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