I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize