Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
