On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
