which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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