Don't make out with my wife yet
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
