I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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