He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
