i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
