there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
