PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
