READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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