I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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