You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize