my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
