I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
