it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
