i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
