I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
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man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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