I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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