First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I cut my penus on the lid.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
