I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
