Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
