But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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