We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
