well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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