Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dear god my vagina.
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