His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
