and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
