friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
