Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
