OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
