hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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