I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
