Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
