my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Less talking, more tequila
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
