Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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