What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
handjob tips. give me some.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
