i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
