We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
