I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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