my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
