At least make sure they are 18
Why
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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