mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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