my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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