My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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