Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
