Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
