at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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