well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
