you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
