I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
