dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
