Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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