The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
