is wine microwaveable?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
