i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
