Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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