The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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