It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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