Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
