I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
