dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
