I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
