we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I smell like Dick and happiness
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
