Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
