i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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