It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize