Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize