So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
where are my eyebrows?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
