he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
